Call me crazy, but I don't particularly like criticism. I have enough "people-pleaser" in me that all criticism hits emotionally. Unfortunately, I'm not perfect, so I do things worthy of criticism. And, even if I was absolutely perfect, the rest of the world is filled with imperfect people. Jesus was perfect and, as you're probably aware, He has TONS of critics.
All of us are going to face enormous criticism in life. The larger your platform in life, the more criticism you will receive. Last month, I had one of my posts go viral (it's my most read post in four years of running this blog) and, through a set of circumstances, that post was shared on a message board. Let's just say- they did not agree with my perspective.
You're going to be criticized. Do have a plan for how to process criticism?
Here are four tips on how to deal with criticism:
1) Look For the Grain of Truth or Lesson to be Learned In Every Criticism
As off-base and downright insane as some criticism can be, usually there is something you can learn from any criticism. If you were clearly in the wrong and deserving of criticism, once you get past the emotional toll, the lesson to be learned is pretty straight forward. Other times, it's a bit more complicated.
Sometimes you have to dig really dip to find something to gain from an odd ball criticism. When I first started at my current church, a couple of parents were highly critical of me for not teaching the Bible and only playing games. This was odd to me for a number of reasons. First off, I had recently graduated from college with a double major in Bible and Bible teaching. Second, I recorded every message, and put them on the internet. Eventually, those families left the church over their concerns. Since I was already teaching the Bible each week, I couldn't resolve their concern by starting to teach the Bible. However, what I could have done was communicate to parents what I was teaching their children.
Sometimes you have to dig really dip to find something to gain from an odd ball criticism. When I first started at my current church, a couple of parents were highly critical of me for not teaching the Bible and only playing games. This was odd to me for a number of reasons. First off, I had recently graduated from college with a double major in Bible and Bible teaching. Second, I recorded every message, and put them on the internet. Eventually, those families left the church over their concerns. Since I was already teaching the Bible each week, I couldn't resolve their concern by starting to teach the Bible. However, what I could have done was communicate to parents what I was teaching their children.
2) Realize Their Criticism Represents a Different Perspective & Their Criticism Helps You Understand that Perspective
We all see the world from different perspectives. Our values, backgrounds, and experiences create a unique grid by which we interpret life. Every single day, we share experiences with 100s of people who interpret those events differently then we do.
On October 1st, half of our nation celebrated a major step forward in making healthcare affordable for everyone. On that same day, half of our nation feared the horrible financial consequences related to new healthcare laws. One law, two perspectives!
You can learn a great deal about a person by looking at what they criticize, and how they criticize it. It starts to expose their values and their heart.
When someone starts to criticize you, do everything in your power to try and understand their perspective before you open your mouth.
On October 1st, half of our nation celebrated a major step forward in making healthcare affordable for everyone. On that same day, half of our nation feared the horrible financial consequences related to new healthcare laws. One law, two perspectives!
You can learn a great deal about a person by looking at what they criticize, and how they criticize it. It starts to expose their values and their heart.
When someone starts to criticize you, do everything in your power to try and understand their perspective before you open your mouth.
3) Realize The Person Criticizing You May Have Bad Information
It's very easy to get immediately get defensive when being criticized. We start thinking of responses, justifications, or excuses before they're even done talking. As soon as we get the opportunity, we start talking and things start to escalate. Both sides start to dig our feet into the ground, and we start assuming the worst about the other person. By this point in time, emotions are running too high for either side to easily back down.
But, I think we've all had times where we found ourselves in an intense confrontation that turned out to be about NOTHING! Absolutely NOTHING! There was simply bad information or a misunderstanding. But, because our natural reaction is to get defensive and/or emotional, we escalate a fight about nothing!
But, I think we've all had times where we found ourselves in an intense confrontation that turned out to be about NOTHING! Absolutely NOTHING! There was simply bad information or a misunderstanding. But, because our natural reaction is to get defensive and/or emotional, we escalate a fight about nothing!
4) Realize Each Confrontation is Opportunity to Extend Grace
Your ability to respond to criticism with grace instead of anger is a way to communicate Christ's love. We're all used to people responding to criticism poorly. Responding with grace can be incredibly powerful.
When I was in middle school, my youth group had a group of students who were not the best behaved. One Sunday, things escalated a little bit when a youth leader called the students out in class as the "bad kids." Unfortunately, one of the students called out as a "bad kid" was new to the church and not involved in the bad behavior. His parents were livid about the incident, and they setup a meeting to confront the youth pastor about the incident. The conversation started with guns a-blazing! They were not going to let their child be singled out!
Well, by the end of the conversation, they were in the process of signing up to be youth leaders. Over 15 years later, those two parents are still serving in ministry with that same pastor. The husband is on the elder board, and the wife is a volunteer staff member.
Each confrontation is an opportunity to extend grace!
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