A pastor, who has been influential on me, recently resigned from his position at his church after evidence of an affair surfaced. In the past I've normally been embarrassed when I've heard of high profile pastors falling into sin. This time I felt sadness and fear. I believe the man loves Jesus and has a passion for the local church. He's also a sinner capable of doing devastating things...just like me.
The following list is essentially my way of processing this news.
Things Married Men Shouldn't Do With Women Who Aren't Their Wife
1) Hold private conversations with confidential information
2) Ride in a car alone
3) Exchange private emails
4) Hold private online conversations
5) Confide emotionally
6) Confide secrets
7) "Vent" about their wife
8) Meet in private
Maybe you aught to be more clear about what you mean by "private" in your list.
ReplyDeleteIn most ways I think the list should be the same list for both married and single men. I have often told the young men I have worked with as a youth leader that the rules of appropriate conduct with the oposit sex are actually the same for both them and me. The only exception is there is one woman that is my wife, and they don't have a wife.
Christian men are called to consider younger women as sisters older women as mothers in all purity. Given my age, I also extend this to consider younger women as a daughter in all purity. This rule applies to all me single or non-single and to all women except your spouse.
So I ask young men to think about what would be inapropiate for me to do as a married man. What would my wife be upset about? Where is the line?
Where ever they draw the line, I tell them that is also YOUR line. You have just defined those things that YOU consider exclusive to a marriage relationship.
So many people think of sex as the only intimacy that they should avoid when dating or dealing with the oposite sex. However I think there are many intimacies that are to be reserved as exclusive to my wife. When single people engage in these intimacies they often convert their dating relationship to a psuedo marriage, and become more bonded to each other than the relationship warrents.
I have had a few people tell me they dissagree with my view, but I have not yet had anyone give me a biblical contradiction to my view.
I think I'll write a follow up for tomorrow on what the word "private."
ReplyDeleteOne other thought on this. I have other family relationships besides my spouse. Surely you would not have a problem with me riding in a car alone with my daughter Angela? Or my daughter-in-law Sarah? Or my mom or my sisters? I doubt you would have a problem with me having some confidential information with these family members either. And my wife cheers when I take my daughter out on a date.
ReplyDeleteThere are people in my life who are not blood related but have become family to me. Jen is dear to me and as one of my daughters best friends is like a second daughter to me. With her real father now in heaven, I intend to hug her and let her know she is loved - in all purity - every chance I get.
My point is this. This list looks specific to people we only have casual relationships with. It does not take into account the variation of relationships and that some relationships are more naturally intervolved. What is appropriate is relationship specific.
Jesus allowed himself to be alone with some women and to confide in them as well. In all purity.
What I think is a needed is a constant awareness of the ability of Sin to creep in and corrupt any good, healthy and loving relationship. I must be on my guard to keep myself from drifting into inappropriate aspects of a relationship while living in a culture that encourages stepping over wise boundaries.
It is good to have boundaries. I just want those boundaries more integrated with my heart.